These Past Four Years
by PunkPoetry
Summary: I knew what the emptiness was, I remembered how the words she said made me feel before I hide my emotions away and tried to run from her. Yet when we spoke it felt as I never left.
1. The First Confession

**Sorry this tuck so long, I wrote about 14 pages on my phone but it broke and I sent it for repair so I had to wait for it to come back to upload it. I have a lot more of this story written and its tempting to put it all on but it moves quiet quickly. If you want next bit please review xx **

It hurt so much, like she'd just ripped your heart right out of your chest but I couldn't show her that, I couldn't even tell Beck how I really felt. I had to keep this reputation it was the only way people didn't find out about...well... That's a completely different story.

I tried my hardest, I tried so hard but the pain was overwhelming so I did what I had to and ran before I burst into tears with everyone right there.

Of course I ran into the janitor's closet, no one would walk in unless they knew I was here but they didn't so it was okay. The tears were still streaming down my face and I could just imagine the black streaks that they left.

I was sat in the corner for about thirty seconds before I heard the door slide along the floor as it opened, I attempted to wipe my face.

'Jade...' Crap! It was her, the person who had done this to me, made me loss my act, feel pure emotion, hurt me like hell and who could destroy me right now and I couldn't do anything about it.

'I...umm...what?' It wasn't much over a whisper but I could hear it as she moved closer and locked the door.

'Nothing, Vega. Now leave.' It didn't come out as I hoped and was more of a whine than the shout I intended.

'Why won't you let anyone in, Jade? I won't hurt you Jade, ever.'

'...b...but you already did, what the hell else do you think I would cry over?' My voice was still weak and I hated that.

'...wh-I- what did I do? I'm sorry.' She looked really concerned now.

'You...I...' Oh what the hell? Might as well tell her now I guess.' You made me fall in love with you.' Shock instantly tuck over her face.

'But...Beck...Me?...wait?...what?'

' I love you, Tori.'

'Jade, I ...I'm sorry.' She pulled me in to a hug and this time I don't complain and lean my head into her shoulder, crying again.

'Hey, it's okay; it'll be okay, Jade.' 

Xo

Ten minutes later she is still holding me, whispering comforting words into my ear and my tears have pretty much run out.

I move my head slightly back, seeing that her eyes instantly connect with mine. I'm shocked by the kindness radiating off her again and my knees start to feel weak even though we're both sat on the floor.

'We really need to go back to lunch, everyone will be wondering what happened.' 'And I really need to speak to Dylan.'

I snap out of it. 'Oh, yeah...right.' I pull away and she responses quickly.

'No, Jade , the kiss didn't mean anything...it shocked me and I didn't feel anything' I can see the water growing in her eyes and I wonder why it was that she started crying ' and I'll tell you a secret but its kind of embarrassing so don't tell.' Wow, so I'm gonna find out.

'It was my first kiss, he tuck it, I didn't want him to have it.'

'...but you've been going out for two weeks...' I didn't feel as bad now and my voice regained strength knowing Tori was trying to stop me from feeling vulnerable. I hated feeling vulnerable.

'I know and he's a nice guy, I just don't like him that way...'

'But? What, have you never had a boyfriend before?'

'Well, yeah but they only lasted a couple days or maybe a week or so, I was always awkward and it never felt right, you know?'

'Yeah.' She was still stood up so you grabbed her hand from her side. 'Just stay with me for awhile?'

She looked torn. 'We have class.'

' we've missed 10 minutes anyway and it's only Skitawitz I'd be surprised if he was actually teaching.' She still looked unsure but held onto my hand and her eyes were fixed on mine.' Please? For me?'

'When you put it like that,' she sighed and sat back down beside me, still holding my hand. I smirked a little and she smiled when she turned her face to mine.

She was beautiful I couldn't help but grin back.

Xoxo

We sat there in silence for awhile, it wasn't awkward. Just sitting with each other's presence was nice and the closeness was nice even if I didn't know where Tori stood with the whole thing.

'Tor?'

'Yeah' she grinned, probably at the name, the 'i' at the end of her name annoyed me when saying it, it always ended up high pitched.

'Can I tell you something I've never told anyone? You can't tell anyone and don't feel bad or anything; I just want you to know and I need to tell someone.'

'Of course, sweetie.' Her serious face was back on and she was adorable.

'Well...my mum... She was abusive; she would get really drunk and slap me because she said that she never wanted a kid and that I ruined her dreams.' A small tear ran down my face. ' I was only thirteen when she died and yes I hated her but I was a kid I believed everything she said so I felt bad and I wished I wasn't born, then maybe she wouldn't have killed herself.'

'I'm sorry, sweetie. It wasn't your fault; you know that now, right? And I couldn't even think if you weren't here, Jade don't ever think that again.'

'Yeah... I know and thanks?'

' Don't ever leave.' She whispered.

'Who said anything about leaving, I was thinking that we could stay in here forever , well we might run out of food I only have one sandwich in my bag.' I laughed and she did too.

'I meant don't leave me, you goof' she moved closer into me, rested her head on my shoulder. I let my head rest on the top of hers.

' Only if you promise too.'

'I wouldn't dream of leaving you.'

'Good.'

We sat there until last class when she finally convinced me that 'we had to learn' or something like that. We talked about things but really just sat there and I'm pretty sure she fell asleep before the bell woke her up, she was so adorable.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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	2. Growing Apart

**Sorry, I feel really bad about this I've had possibly next three chapters ready to post but I haven't. I'm sorry I just have been kind of … destracted lately and haven't been in the mood to do anything. I warn you some parts in this chapter are weird and I don't know why I wrote them or where they came from but anyway…I'm sorry, please don't hate me forever **** x **

**Tori**

'Hello, your name is?' The women was sat in a pant suit behind a big desk, the look on her face said...nothing.

'Victoria Vega.' I stuck my hand out to greet the scary looking women.

'Take a seat.' 'Let's get straight to the point, why do you want this job?'

'I...umm...well... I would like to work my way up in the business...' What sort of a lame answer was that? This really wasn't going well.

'Ok, if you had a choice of any job, what would it be?'

'Umm... I don't know...'

The answers pretty much went on like that, I hated applying for jobs but I needed one; I'd been in college for four years and I still had no idea what I wanted to do. What's wrong with me?

I stunk into the sofa as soon as I got to my apartment, life was so different than it was four years ago, so much had happened.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Jade**

'I'm sorry Jade, I can't be with you like that. I love you, you're my best friend but that's it. I hate this; I can't lose you as a friend.'

I remember those past couple of months since the first day I told her I loved her, we got closer and she never really told me what it was until the week before she left for college. I remember everything: I could see the concern and worry on her face and the truth behind all her words and I understood, completely. I still wish I didn't understand then but I did.

'Remember we promised; I won't ever leave you.'

Tears formed in her eyes 'but I am leaving Jade.'

' I know, but you really think you're getting away that easy?' I joked pulling her into a hug. She smiled.

'So you really are Jade in there.' She laughed.

'Yeah, just happy and improved because of you.'

' Wow! You're hugging!' Cat ran in and hugged us both.

I still didn't want people to know then, I wasn't completely settled with it so I pulled away from Tori. She left a week later and we just stopped talking.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Tori**

Wait, Beck? Is that Jade West as in Jade West?'

'Wow! It is!' 'I knew she would do something with all that writing talent, we have to rent this.'

'You sure? It might be scary.'

' You're such a baby Vic.'

'Hey' I punched his arm. ' You may be my best friend but I will hurt you.'

' Okay, Vic.' I just rolled my eyes.

Another movie night with my best friend in his apartment, it really wasn't weird at all. We've been best friends since the start of college he helped me through everything and he was really caring. I could see more of why Jade went out with him even if she didn't really like him like that.

'You know she's not actually in the movie, she just wrote it.' He was getting excited as I pressed play.

'Yeah, yeah, we should call her.'

'Yea- oh, shit! I was meant to call Cat. Can I use your phone?'

' You're not together anymore, Vic; you don't need to call her before every flight so she doesn't get scared. She screwed you over for that actor guy, he can do it.'

'I know but we're still her friends...'

'No we're not Vic, she cheated on you. She doesn't deserve any part of you.'

'Thanks Beck, but enough with the mushy stuff and remember I don't like you like that' I winked just to tease him.

'I know it still breaks my heart.' He played hurt.

'Well anyway... When's your next movie? Oh right, yeah, they rewrote your part because you were such a jerk.'

'Hey! She was the one who came onto me and I can't help it if I was already sleeping with her sister.'

'You really are a pig, you know that, right?'

' It's only because I can't have you.' He joked again.

' Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've heard it before.'

' Yet you still insist you like women, I'm not sure though, come on it is me.'

' Ok enough.' I hit him in the chest with a cushion as I laughed.

'But you really should talk to Jade again.'

'I know Beck...'

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

**Jade**

'Jade! What the hell are you doing? We are meant to be filming right now!'

' Okay, okay I'm sorry. My friend called and basically had a mental breakdown.'

'Okay, well hurry up! You didn't write this one, you actually have to be here to star in a movie.'

'Hey, dude! That's not fair!' I opened the door of the dressing room as the director's assistant pounded on the door again. Everyone was pretty close and I knew he was joking.

'Whatever.' He turned and headed back to set.

Xoxo

'Remember you're recording the final song tomorrow.' My assistant said over the phone.

'I know, see you there.' He hung up without an answer, he was pretty useless at the social stuff but he kept me on time.

'Wait, you were good today.' A voice from behind me said as I was about to open the door.

'Oh, thanks, you too, Jenny.'

'Thanks. So you want to go get a drink?' It kind of shocked me a little; she was my love interest's younger sister in the film so it felt kind of weird, even if she was only two years younger.

'I would but I don't date whilst I'm filming, sorry maybe after?' I wasn't going to be mean about it, she looked a little upset but I don't think it affected her that much.

'Oh, its okay. Makes sense. See you Friday.' She opened the door and started towards the car park, I walked in a similar direction to get a taxi.

'See you.' I saw a taxi already waiting so I climbed in and told the driver my hotel. I hated not being able to drive Rusty, my vintage beetle. I love my car.

London was amazing though but I was really lonely here by myself. Two months of living in a hotel was kind of annoying but a couple more weeks of filming and I can go home.

Xoxoxoxo

**Reviews = Love = Smile = Good mood = Writing mood = Lots of Writing = Quicker Update = Less Waiting = Everybody's Happy = Smiles = Love = Thanks xx**


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